There is NO Excuse For Being Rude
I’ve been taking a bit of ribbing lately for being diplomatic and I want to assure you, I am not being diplomatic. I’m not a judgmental person, thereby I tend not to light fires. I do have opinions- as you may have figured out- and when I do get fired up about something- you know it. I’m not going to discuss politics or religion on this blog- too many people do it and Clever is about avoiding labels- so fighting over Democratic or Republican views (we are all entitled to our opinion) is antithetical to the Clever concept. Nor am I going to debate or even comment about matters of the church. Sure it could ignite argument and grow readership-but that’s not the type of platform I want to be standing on.
Clever is a supportive voice- one that encourages people to Do. Be. Try. So, what do you want to DO? I want to fire my handgun right now because someone in a “customer service” role was just really rude to me (oh, and no, I don’t want to fire my handgun at said rude person). There is no excuse for rudeness. Did you know that? I know what you are thinking- sometimes it’s necessary. No. It. Isn’t. There is a better way to express your opinions and your displeasure- being rude in response to someone being rude is pointless and only makes you look limited.
I want to share with you something that happened in my home. I was hosting a dinner party for 25 of my neighbors, and because we tend to all sit with the people we know best, I had everyone draw a wine charm from a bowl and whatever set it belonged to was the table at which you sat. This really shattered some habits for this group and I ended up at a table with four gentlemen- three of which were white (not sure of religion) and one was Pakistani (not sure how that plays into the views expressed by him), and the other woman was a Jewish attorney and mother of three who was eight months pregnant.
Conversation was not going well. The Pakistani gentleman has already insulted the President of the United States graphically (rude) (at the dinner table- more rude)- insulted the chef – (rude) (not me- would have been more rude) and had now leveled his gaze at the other woman at our table. She was shy and pleasant, very pretty and new to the neighborhood, and I appreciated her position of observation. I’d known the other three guys for years and we got on quite well, but any attempt at conversation was stymied by his rudeness.
“So what do you think,” he said to her- pause for effect, and met each of our mildly interested gazes. My eyebrow was up as I braced myself for what could not possibly be anything good. “About these women who take jobs from men and then end up quitting to be Mommies.” You’ve seen on TV when someone spits their wine across the room or back into their glass, but have you seen what happens when someone aspirates a piece of risotto?Unpleasant. So I hacked and coughed and drank and wheezed my way through this- all the while hoping I was giving someone time to generate a thought that would illustrate to this man how inappropriate he was.
Once I’d recovered, I had to take the lead since no one else was saying anything. I am the last person to speak, unless I have something to say- and then look out. So I leaned back in my chair and looked askance at the guys- all of whom were averting their eyes.
“First of all, women are not taking jobs away from men. They are earning them. Second of all, women have to capability to bear children and some desire to become mothers. This does not mean they should do one or the other- work or be mothers. A new mother will need some time off- as well as a new father should have time off to become accustomed to this major life change- but many mothers elect to go back to work. However, it is not uncommon for a woman to decide her place is home with her children- in which case, those jobs they “stole” from men are up for grabs- and guess what … men and women will again compete- and the best candidate will likely be rewarded.”
The woman gave me a grateful look and for a moment I felt guilty. I wasn’t really defending her- I was angry this man had been so classless and rude as to a) become political in my home (insulting the president) b) be rude to me as the hostess by insulting the chef and the dinner I’d planned and c) demonstrated his sexist views. I wanted to let him know that was NOT OK. It is NOT OK. There is no excuse for being rude. Now, did I want to stand up and ask him to leave? Yes. I felt that would be rude- so instead I very calmly told him my opinion. It would have reflected poorly upon me if I had called him an “asshole” like I wanted to, but I think that was already clear to everyone.
Just so you know- he didn’t listen to a word I said, literally, didn’t even face me when I spoke or respond with anything other than a sigh of boredom. Later, he called me a name (at the table) and one of the other gentlemen asked him to leave the table and go outside for a cigar. I appreciated my friend’s diplomatic approach because I was losing my battle with it.
So, the point is- don’t give what you get every time. I find it much better to embarrass someone who is being rude. It’s fun and, as we all know, fun is the best thing to have. You don’t need to swear, rant or rave.
“You are incredibly rude and unpleasant. I wish I could say it was nice to meet you but it wasn’t. Have a lovely afternoon.” It works every time.
Ok, I have been asked my pick in the Super Bowl- no doubt about it- Colts. Even though Jim Harbaugh defined his NFL career for about five minutes with this team- it is so much more fantastic under the guidance of Peyton. Now there is a quarterback for you- oh, and a humble public figure to boot. I would say his brother manages all of the ego in that family- how freaking bizarre was his draft exploit? Not cool. Not cool at all- rude in fact, and he’s lucky he figured out how to play ball with the big boys because he’d have tarnished the family name for sure. On top of everything, Peyton is funny- and I mean really funny. Not too many people can make me bust out laughing and he is one of them.
There has been a request for a unique game day recipe- so, I am going to reveal the real recipe for Gold Star or Skyline- Cincinnati Chili. I did have to pay for this one so hold it dear.Today, however, I’m going to give you the recipe for Grilled Salmon Verde (I just made the name up and it is pretty lame so if anyone comes up with a better name after you make it let me know). Supposedly it’s outstanding- and I’d have to agree since I don’t really care for salmon and I crave this recipe.
What you need
16 limes (juiced)
2 large fresh jalapenos
1 bunch of cilantro (washed and picked through)
2 cans of black beans (drained and rinsed)
2 boxes of Casbah yoasted couscous
4 cups of chicken stock
Red, yellow and orange peppers (one each) (one half of each sliced thin and long)
Mrs. Renfro’s or any other spicy verde salsa
Salt, pepper and garlic powder the fish on both sides. Place the fish in a large pan and pour lime juice over the fish.
In a blender place one cup of the lime juice, the whole amount of cilantro and one cleaned jalapeno (I use two because I like it HOT). Add a generous amount of salt, a touch of garlic powder and blend until smooth. Refrigerate in the blender container so you can blend at the last moment before serving.
Prepare the couscous as indicated in the instructions on the box- except use chicken broth instead of water. When you are six minutes from completion- add thinly chopped peppers.
In a sauce pan, place beans and half a jar of the salsa- warm.
Grill the salmon- serve with the beans and the couscous. At the last minute, blend the sauce and recommend it be used on the salmon. I use it to accent the couscous and the beans as well. This is a spicy dish, so know that upfront. If you are not a fan of spice- don’t use the salsa verde in the beans and eliminate the jalapeno from the sauce. It’s still super fabulous and FRESH. Yummmm.
Count on a wedding planning post from me this week. It seems Clever Couples are anxious to get started! Again, if you want more articles on planning, visit me here.