Twenty Times Daily? Is That Even Possible?
I must say I am feeling So Very Clever this morning. I must admit, I am INSPIRED. I was reading somewhere that successful relationships provide an antidote to contempt by acknowledging the other person 20 times throughout the day. Now, I know what you are thinking- “Who has time for that?” Well, that’s kind of the point. MAKE time.
I’d say this applies to all relationships of close contact- so don’t just apply this to your significant relationship (although, looking at the statistics, it would seem those are the ones in need of the most help).
This morning, I lay in bed, visualizing my day (thank you prestonely.com), trying to chart a course for Clever Couples in need of inspiration- and again, these are just ideas.
This is not about complimenting the other person 20 times. It’s a combination of acknowledging, complimenting, going out of your way, and considering that person.
So, Clever Girls- I ask you- when was the last time you put on a pair of sexy boy shorts and a T-shirt and observed your man while he was clad in nothing but a towel? You can imagine he will be surprised when he notices you watching him, as he’s used to you getting dressed while he’s in the shower or getting the kids moving. Toss him a sly smile of appreciation. If you are really lucky- he is something to behold in nothing but a towel.
If you were very CLEVER, you might have thrown a clean towel in the dryer and offered it to him when he stepped out- warm and toasty. OR, have left a cup of freshly brewed coffee in the bathroom for him to enjoy while he is getting ready (and make sure it is made exactly the way he likes it).
Think of all of the little things he does for himself and ask yourself what, of those things, you could do. For example- have you ever shaved his face? While he is in the shower, run his shaving cream container under warm water. Wait until he is about to get started and let him know you gently heated it for him. Once the shaving cream is on (by the way- tres sexy watching him apply it)- ask if you can shave him. Climb up onto the counter in your boy shorts and position yourself in front of him. When was the last time you took a good look into his eyes?
Ask for help or guidance and then take the razor and get to work. Grooming is a very intimate exercise when shared. Internalize the texture of his scruff- is it as coarse under the razor as it is against your neck when he nuzzles it? Or hasn’t he done that in a while? Well, now is a good time to remind him- “Wow, now I know why your beard gives me goose bumps when you kiss my neck.”
Open the lines of communication by validating one another and it will become the habit you fall into instead of the one where you are criticizing and laying blame on one another.
If you notice he needs a little clean up on his neck in between trims- ask if you can do it for him. Drop off his dry cleaning personally. Take him to the airport and pick him up- even if you’d rather get a manicure. Believe me, the mileage you get out of a kind gesture will last much longer than the French tips.
Remember to say “thank you”- not just when he hands you the milk from the refrigerator- but when you realize he filled your gas tank (notice he’s stopped telling you he did it because you have started acting as if it’s his job- and unless it is spelled out in your marital contract, and I do advise this, it is not his JOB).
Speaking of jobs- when was the last time you brought him a glass of wine and cleared your schedule to ask him how work was going? What does your schedule freaking matter if your relationship is suffering- if the person you “love” is feeling unloved and unappreciated?
What can you do to let him know he matters? Order lunch to be delivered to him or, hell, make it at home and deliver it in person when you know he has an overwhelming day.Cook. I cannot say it enough, ladies. COOK for your man.
You may be the shittiest cook on the face of the earth- but you can learn. If you have some time, take a few free classes at Whole Foods- or, hell, watch the Food Network for inspiration. Cooking is so easy, soothing and relaxing. Start simple and work your way into it. The important thing is he will know you went out of your way to take care of him, to nourish him, to devote time to him (and, possibly, your family).
When he returns from a strenuous workout- have an ice-cold bottle of water for him in the fridge. Make him a to-go cup of coffee and put it in his car on your way out. Drop him a text randomly during the day to let him know how much you love his dimples.
No matter how stagnant your relationship has become- there is a way back. And if you honestly believe there is no way back- move on.