So there I was at Kenny’s Italian Kitchen (and yes, I go there a lot because it is simply fantastic) and was being driven mad by a table of cackling women on the FAR side of the restaurant. This is not a small place and I was poised at the bar working.
My glass of chianti was being soured by my environment and I was growing frustrated. I gazed at those around me and wondered if I was the only person becoming annoyed.
Fact of the matter is- there is something called a sense of occasion, and I find more often than not people do not have it. Let me elucidate.
To have a sense of occasion is to be aware of your environment and how you can not only blend seamlessly with it- but behave appropriately. My mother taught me to have a sense of occasion early in life. My brother Dave missed the boat on this lesson as he never did realize that the “F” word at extended family functions fell on the ears of elders like, well, the “F” word.
So, the lesson- you go to a hockey game and even if it’s your first time, you dress comfortably (it is a sporting event and not a fashion show- unless you are in Dallas and then frankly, you can’t overdress- HOWEVER, the further you are from the glass- the more likely you are to appear an escort and not a “fan”), observe discretely and enjoy yourself. If you go to a fine dining establishment, dress appropriately and conduct yourself with dignity- this is different behavior than one might demonstrate at, let’s say, a cookout. Even if you are underdressed (gasp)- grace and poise can make up for it.
I observed the intrusive women- and they were cute, various ages, dressed to impress- but the attention in their direction was all negative. Why? Because their behavior was offensive. It was articulated perfectly by the handsome and So Very Clever gentleman next to me who muttered loudly, “It’s a wine bar, not a kegger, ladies.” I was dangerously close to aspirating my sip of wine and thought- he could not have summed it up more perfectly. When I caught his eye he said- “Not sure ‘ladies’ was the right word.” I smiled.
I’m not saying you have to be sedate- but, as I pointed out in a previous post called “Tone it Down”- be considerate of others. I have often thought the volume at which one speaks seems a direct reflection of one’s self- importance. If you can not get attention without nearly “yelling” in a quiet restaurant- you need to invest some time in this blog. The woman who does this will likely follow it up with the inevitable “throwing the head back and letting out a far too loud laugh she thinks is the pinnacle of sexy”- oh, and the requisite hair toss.
Here is a tip- demure works just as well as obnoxious. Hell, I even advocate coy over brazen. Another post I did sighting some of this objectionable behavior was “When did Women become So Very Gross?”
I decided to put this to the test and compare this table with another full of women. At this point after a couple bottles of wine, the aforementioned were rather insufferable and the other was a table of equally well appointed late thirty-somethings. The latter women were speaking in hushed tones and laughing bashfully into their hands, eyes fluttering around as if they were fearful of raising a ruckus. It was rather charming and it wasn’t long before gentlemen started drifting over and inquiring as to what was soooo sensitive it must be whispered.
The women enjoyed the attention and in one case invited a man to sit with them for a moment. There was polite conversation and laughing. He didn’t over stay his welcome or act a reprobate. After a while, he meandered back to the bar- I couldn’t help noticing one of the ladies slide her business card to him. Good for her. Love seeing So Very Clever and fearless women who don’t accept the card of a man- after all, it’s nice to place the contact in the hands of the man (see post “Why Didn’t He Call- He’s Not Interested”).
So, all this to say- there is a time and a place for everything- knowing where, when, how and why makes you So Very Clever. It’s an art form and part of being Clever is being Artful- so, let’s pay attention, shall we?